Here I am after a 5 day blogging hiatus and I must report that I am fatter then when I started this damn blog. I started to slip Wednesday night and that slip turned into a total free fall by Thursday. I ate everything imaginable over the holiday weekend. I did have fun but I am paying for it now. I hit rock bottom this morning.
I stepped on the scales and I was 268 pounds even. I put on 11 pounds in 5 days. I know it is mostly fluid but my pants were tighter this morning. I feel heavy as well. My body is rebelling from the excesses over the weekend.
But 11 pounds????
I started to blame my diet. I started to tell myself that my metabolism is wrecked from dieting all these months. I told myself that it must be because I didn't exercise after I pulled my groin. All of that is horseshit.
The truth is that I saw my ex-girlfriend on the road Wednesday and just that glimpse of her in her car on the other side of the highway ripped me to shreds. I comforted myself with what always makes me feel better.......... food. I started Wednesday night and I didn't stop until this morning.
I have to get this in check now or I will lose everything I have accomplished so far. I wont go back to being 324 pounds. I have to make a stand starting now and start living again instead of killing myself with food. I would rather die then gain another single pound.
So what am I going to do about it?
I have to go to war with myself yet again. I am going to start to grind it out one day at a time, one meal at a time, one bite at a time. That's the only thing I know to do.